“Like a river flows, time will pass and never will it return.”
Time passes, we get older eventually we die. I fear death. Death to me is the end: the end of thought; the end of being; the end of love. Through death the cage shall be opened…but the cost is hard to comprehend. I do no pretend to be completely alone in this world,it is fact that none of us are. As alone as we may feel there will always be someone. Courage. Courage stands often in my way. The strength to tell someone, anyone, your thoughts no matter how crazy they are. I lack that strength. Through text I hope to gain that strength to feel my walls crash down. To never feel alone. I guess time will tell. Until that time I continue to fumble with the lock in my mind. Freedom will find me.
“Joy is unknown to a restless mind.”
I don’t know exactly when it started, or how ? I feel caged, lost and it scares me. As I type I sit here with Rajah in darkness, my room - my prison, in total darkness my mind - my prison, in total darkness. I no longer feel connected. My heart beats, my cells respire, I breathe but my mind is blank but buzzing. Buzzing with a million thoughts but none at all. I contemplate pain, as if the self inflicted torture will flip a switch and allow me to grasp the remaining tendrils of sanity. From experience pain is a temporary cure. Light flickers in my mind but dies like a candle deprived of oxygen. There is no reason. I am lost. Floating. I feel neither connected to earth or my body. I do not know if my thoughts are read or if they matter, there is peace in writing, peace in hope, the hope one day my mind shall rest and I shall be freed. Another day gone. Another day alone.